I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
