you have to choose: penises or morals?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
