afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
