Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I will pee on everything he values.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
