I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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