So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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