What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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