Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
