for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
