It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
