so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
