she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
