Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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