I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
