Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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