if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize