lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
