Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
