I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
