I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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