Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
