There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Randomize
