what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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