I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
zippers are such a cool invention
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
