I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
