Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
