they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
