Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
