Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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