Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
