i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
