i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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