She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
