when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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