He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
