How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
