the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
