Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
