You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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