yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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