I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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