There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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