You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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