My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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