Do you still have your period?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
