I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
