Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
