I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Your cock deserves a montage
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
MIDGETS
????
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
