We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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