I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
