Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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