My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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