I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
