My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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