beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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