the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
