I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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