You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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