Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
