Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
