My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
