my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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