I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
