yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
