Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize