He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he thought i was a dude.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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