i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
