Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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