yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
