For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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