Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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