You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
