"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
